How to Annihilate Gaps

For your viewing pleasure...

2008-05-29T21:57:00.003+12:00

Gap Annihilation Across the Nation

2007-11-12T20:13:00.001+13:00

Some people say that all the Gaps are dead. Au contraire! The lack of Gap sightings does not mean all the Gaps are dead. It merely means that the wild gaps remaining are tougher and more elusive than their annihilated brethren. And thus the challenge is not over, it is just getting going! Witness here the master Dispatcher sending another monstrous gap, Shrek-the-sheep-like in its ability to elude the annihilation authorities for generations, and in its ability to grow lots of wool.... wait, that doesn't make sense. Oh well, since when did that matter?

PS: Shortly after this photo was taken the power of Ninja Derek rent this boulder asunder and left it as dust to be scattered by the will of the wind.

Gap Annihilation of a different kind

2007-08-06T21:40:00.001+12:00

Travelling story #165.

One reason why gap annihilation is a pursuit at the core of my being is because of the gap at the core of my being. This gap is situated roughly where my stomach is. Annihilating this gap can be difficult at times. No matter how much stuff I ingest to fill this gap, it just keeps coming back for more.

This can be tricky when you are travelling, as airlines don't always apprecate the rigorous training processes involved in gap annihilation and the hunger this brings, or the carbo-loading phases associated with the body going into recovery mode. Given that on long flights your body is always going to go into recovery mode (they don't let you take your campus board or the biohazard boulder on the plane) you're going to get damn hungry on the plane.

How is the devoted gap annihilator to overcome this most threatening of gaps? Here is one way... After queueing at Heathrow airport for three and a half hours and missing lunch I eventually made it onto a plane bound for LA with quite a hunger. Luckily I had booked a freakatarian meal which I knew would come earlier than the proletariat meal cart. As soon as the flight attendants had done their strange safety dance and we were cruising at ten thousand feet along came my meal. I transferred this to the gap within but woe, it was not enough! Then came the spark of inspiration. The seat next to me was unoccupied... the meal cart was yet to come...

With the aid of a trusty blanket I was able to invent a cloaking device by which to render my used and abused meal tray invisible. So when the meal cart came by and the attendent was greeted with my emaciated visage and a lowered and eager tray table they asked "Chicken or Lamb?" to which I heartily replied "Lamb, please". Thus I was able to gain a double-dose of gap-filling nutritional goodness. Take that recovery mode!

This did, however, present some difficulty for the meal tray evacuation procedures. I quickly arranged the seat next to me to look sat in and temporarily vacated. A movie was started and paused in mid play, a blanket was tossed aside, seatbelt was left asplayed and unhitched, tray table down, meal eaten. When the rubbish cart came I merely handed mine across and then graciously also supplied the tray of my vacant neighbour. I did get some funny looks from the people across the aisle though... But henceforth, if you have any empty seat in the vicinity and wish to annihilate the most serious gap of all, you know what to do.

Travelling presents many gap difficulties, be well prepared! Always carry at least a weeks cereal with you just in case, see photo for suggested quantities.

Evidence of gravitational disturbances and fluctuations

2007-08-01T21:57:00.000+12:00

The return is soon to be complete. Gravity, being a warp in the space-time continuum, missed its departed foe Gomez the Kosmonaut Annihilator of Gaps and was able to engender a loophole by which Gomez has re-emerged from nothingness to dance the vertical dance once again. Such returns do not come easily or without palpitations and strains upon the heart, but it is evident that in time Gomez will be whole again.

Re-vivification

2007-08-01T21:40:00.000+12:00

The Rennaissance has begun...

Falls (from grace)

2007-01-05T10:26:00.000+13:00

Greetings comrades! Yes, it is true. Gomez the cosmonaut flies no more. He no longer makes claim to the title annihilator of gaps, but henceforth merely lays claim to the title slapper of holds and user of poor and inadequate footwork. While this new title is slightly wordier it does seem more fitting. Let the pictures explain.

Distant Transcripts

2006-06-21T23:19:00.000+12:00

Greetings Komrades!

To keep up with the exploits of Gomez and Paolo on their gap annihilation projects abroad, please consult the following:

gomezandpaolo

Meanwhile, here are some photos of Australian Rock Hopping:

JC at Boronia

Mount Piddington

Ben aka Paolo at Boronia

Fresh Evidence Undermines Grading

2006-04-07T22:06:00.000+12:00

Exciting news! Recent laboratory testing has suggested the remarkable thesis that the GGG (Generic Gravitational Gradient), while proven to be constant temporally, may in fact be inconsistent in a spatial sense. What this means is that Gaps of seemingly similar resistance but in different geographical locations may in fact differ in terms of the resistance they offer someone of fixed inner vacuosity. As stated, this appears to be due to spatial fluctuations in the warp of the space-time continuum. Perhaps a metaphor will help to bring about the significance of this finding in relation to gap annihilation and the hunting of real gaps in the wild. It is well-known that, like a decent gap, a wolf is hard to defeat. However, the successful vanquishing of a European wolf does not entail the ability to overcome an Alaskan Timberwolf. And we all know to stay well clear of the feisty wolverine.

In response to these new theories, our research team has planned an expedition to a distant spatial location where field testing may be undertaken. It is my pleasure to announce that this team will be led by Paolo Wolfy II, a vastly experienced gap annihilator. He will be ably assisted by Gomez the Kosmonaut, known as the Annihilator of gaps. He is pictured below vainly trying to pull one boulder off of another.

The research team will travel to a geographically distant location, specifically Hermany and France. Here they will test the resistance of various gaps in a long and detailed study. Their adventure will not be easy however, as they are likely to encounter the strange phenomenon of the Frog, which will probably appear something like this:

The team will be funded by big business and corporations, who generously give their money away to people all the time. They have money due to the excessively large size of their hands, which basically means that when it comes to the big cash grab, they can hold more money in their fist. It is rumored that some corporations have even engineered horrendously powerful robots with enormous hands. One such being is pictured below. Note however, that due to the excessive weight of their cash grab hand, these robots struggle to annihilate gaps, as they can only move the hand in a very slow and static fashion.

We look forward in anticipation to the departure of the research team, who are equipped to provide us with continual updates on the progress of their research into gap annihilation. In the meantime annihilate those gaps!

Results of Recent Scientific Tests

2005-06-11T17:01:00.000+12:00

Greetings Komrades!

In Wanaka recently a special scientific study was conducted which is specifically relevant to gap annihilation. An ever-increasing gap was set-up, and participants in the study were asked to systematically annihilate these gaps until the gap reached a level of resistance they could not master. The study produced three significant results:

1. The GGG is constant.
GGG, of course, stands for Generic Gravitational Gradient. This is a measure of the generic resistance of gaps over time, independent of the specific resistance of any individual gap. This was proved by the genius of gap annihilation himself, Mr Gomez Gonzalez, the Kosmonaut, Annihilator of Gaps. Having existed in a nexus since the last round of testing, and thus having in no way improved his gap annihilation abilities, Gomez annihilated the same resistance of gap as in the previous round of testing, thus proving the constancy of the GGG. For those new to the field of gap annihilation, the constancy of the GGG is important because it means that self-improvement by gap annihilators can be measured against gaps with known resistance. Gaps with known resistance will keep the same level of resistance over time due to the constancy of the GGG, thereby any change over time will be relevant to the annihilator rather than the gap itself.

2. Resistance is only linked to extension in a minimal way.
This was proved by T-Rex, Annihilator of Footholds. By annihilating a gap of the same resistance as those with much greater extension, T-Rex proved that his distinct lack of extension cannot be used as an excuse in the failure to annihilate gaps. While it is accepted that T-Rex holds mastery over gap annihilation, his equalling of the resistance of much more extended annihilators prooves that intensive reflection upon internal vacuosity can yield an internal consistency to match even the most resistant gaps.

3. Canadians are full of hot air.
This need not be explained as it is self-evident.

End of Study.

Annihilating Gaps 201 by Gomez the Kosmonaut

2005-05-28T17:26:00.000+12:00

Here begins your real education in the annihilation of gaps. You may have gleaned from Annihilating Gaps 101 and other sources some slight understanding of what annihilating gaps is all about. To learn more, read on, as Gomez the Kosmonaut - Annihilator of Gaps gives a personal insight into the art of Gap Annihilation. Also, await the culural origins of gap annihilation lesson, coming soon.

Welcome Komrades! Gap Annihilation has come a long way in recent times since I invented the art in my kitchen. That's right, my kitchen! The genesis of this wondrous pursuit occurred when an item of food slipped down a gap betwixt the bench on which food preparation was taking place and the oven on which the food was being heated. This happening was intolerable to one so commanding as I so I leapt forward and with a single poetic and gargantuan effort I moved the oven across so that the gap was filled. "HAHA!" I cried, "That gap has been annihilated! From this day forth I shall be known as 'Gomez, Annihilator of Gaps'!" This is how it began.

Since these days, gap annihilation has changed remarkably. Scientific research has created special idealized laboratory conditions where the limits of gap annihilation can be explored.

However, nothing compares with hunting real gaps out in the wild. Wild gaps can be found in many different forms and sizes. Many people, ignorant of the complexities of real gap annihilation technology, presume that once you have annihilated one gap, you have, so to speak, annihilated them all. This is far from the case. Each gap has its own dimensions, and due to its perimeter greater or lesser resistance across that dimension. The photo below shows the annihilation of a large sized gap with relatively resistant end perimeter.

This does not necessarily make this gap harder to annihilate than a smaller gap such as the one below, which may have extreme resistance due to its own internal vacuosity.

Basically, one who wishes to annihilate gaps, great and small, must devote much time and study to overcoming their own internal vacuosity. By succeeding in this, the devotee may overcome the warp in the space time continuum plaguing many gaps by establishing an internal force. This internal force allows them to enslave the space time continuum itself, and thus be liberated unto the annihilation of gaps. Understandably, this is a long and arduous process, meaning that, like Yoda of the Jedi, masters of gap annihilation may appear quite innocuous. Often they are small withered looking creatures such as the one below.

This intense personal development has no little consequence for the identity of the individual. Often gap annihilators become reclusive, their focus demanding that they shun encounters with gap fillers, whose high levels of internal vacuosity may by a sickening osmosis invade the gap annihilator. Gap annihilators have also been known
to undertake a process of Schizophrenic Holistic Identity Transfer. S.H.I.T., as this is known for short, enables the gap annihilator to shed their former identity and all its residue of internal vacuosity like a chrysalis and appear as some new-born winged daemon with unprecedented internal force. The great masters often have numerous alternative identities by which they may establish their dynamism. Below we see Gomez the Kosmonaut inside the gap that exists between himself and his transformation into The Mysterious Raoul de Sousa.

Armed with this knowledge, you may now embark upon your own journey into the strange and unexplored realm of gap annihilation. Important in the early stages of this process is a focussed method of goal identification. Examples of a good method include openly confronting gaps in a public matter, adressing them as such and thereby beginning the internal digestion process. See below as Gomez demonstrates this activity.

Good luck and good hunting! Remember, the vacuosity of a gap is no greater than the resistance of its perimeter multiplied by its own dimensions. Given that the internal vacuosity of any individual is unlimted, and can be enlargened or diminshed by the will alone, this means that there is no gap that cannot be annihilated if the individual has undergone an appropriately sincere internal study of transformation.

gomexmilford2

2005-05-26T15:36:00.000+12:00

gomexmilford2
Originally uploaded by T_Rex.

No need to comment.

Opening Quotations

2005-05-25T22:39:00.000+12:00

"Gravity is not a force, but a warp in the space time continuum." Einstein
"I am a force, gravity is thus my slave." Gomez