For your viewing pleasure...

Both photos courtesy of T-Rex

Gap Annihilation Across the Nation

Some people say that all the Gaps are dead. Au contraire! The lack of Gap sightings does not mean all the Gaps are dead. It merely means that the wild gaps remaining are tougher and more elusive than their annihilated brethren. And thus the challenge is not over, it is just getting going! Witness here the master Dispatcher sending another monstrous gap, Shrek-the-sheep-like in its ability to elude the annihilation authorities for generations, and in its ability to grow lots of wool.... wait, that doesn't make sense. Oh well, since when did that matter?

PS: Shortly after this photo was taken the power of Ninja Derek rent this boulder asunder and left it as dust to be scattered by the will of the wind.

Gap Annihilation of a different kind

Travelling story #165.

One reason why gap annihilation is a pursuit at the core of my being is because of the gap at the core of my being. This gap is situated roughly where my stomach is. Annihilating this gap can be difficult at times. No matter how much stuff I ingest to fill this gap, it just keeps coming back for more.

This can be tricky when you are travelling, as airlines don't always apprecate the rigorous training processes involved in gap annihilation and the hunger this brings, or the carbo-loading phases associated with the body going into recovery mode. Given that on long flights your body is always going to go into recovery mode (they don't let you take your campus board or the biohazard boulder on the plane) you're going to get damn hungry on the plane.

How is the devoted gap annihilator to overcome this most threatening of gaps? Here is one way... After queueing at Heathrow airport for three and a half hours and missing lunch I eventually made it onto a plane bound for LA with quite a hunger. Luckily I had booked a freakatarian meal which I knew would come earlier than the proletariat meal cart. As soon as the flight attendants had done their strange safety dance and we were cruising at ten thousand feet along came my meal. I transferred this to the gap within but woe, it was not enough! Then came the spark of inspiration. The seat next to me was unoccupied... the meal cart was yet to come...

With the aid of a trusty blanket I was able to invent a cloaking device by which to render my used and abused meal tray invisible. So when the meal cart came by and the attendent was greeted with my emaciated visage and a lowered and eager tray table they asked "Chicken or Lamb?" to which I heartily replied "Lamb, please". Thus I was able to gain a double-dose of gap-filling nutritional goodness. Take that recovery mode!

This did, however, present some difficulty for the meal tray evacuation procedures. I quickly arranged the seat next to me to look sat in and temporarily vacated. A movie was started and paused in mid play, a blanket was tossed aside, seatbelt was left asplayed and unhitched, tray table down, meal eaten. When the rubbish cart came I merely handed mine across and then graciously also supplied the tray of my vacant neighbour. I did get some funny looks from the people across the aisle though... But henceforth, if you have any empty seat in the vicinity and wish to annihilate the most serious gap of all, you know what to do.

Travelling presents many gap difficulties, be well prepared! Always carry at least a weeks cereal with you just in case, see photo for suggested quantities.

Evidence of gravitational disturbances and fluctuations

The return is soon to be complete. Gravity, being a warp in the space-time continuum, missed its departed foe Gomez the Kosmonaut Annihilator of Gaps and was able to engender a loophole by which Gomez has re-emerged from nothingness to dance the vertical dance once again. Such returns do not come easily or without palpitations and strains upon the heart, but it is evident that in time Gomez will be whole again.

Re-vivification

The Rennaissance has begun...

Falls (from grace)

Greetings comrades! Yes, it is true. Gomez the cosmonaut flies no more. He no longer makes claim to the title annihilator of gaps, but henceforth merely lays claim to the title slapper of holds and user of poor and inadequate footwork. While this new title is slightly wordier it does seem more fitting. Let the pictures explain.

Distant Transcripts

Greetings Komrades!

To keep up with the exploits of Gomez and Paolo on their gap annihilation projects abroad, please consult the following:

gomezandpaolo

Meanwhile, here are some photos of Australian Rock Hopping:


JC at Boronia




Mount Piddington




Ben aka Paolo at Boronia

Fresh Evidence Undermines Grading

Exciting news! Recent laboratory testing has suggested the remarkable thesis that the GGG (Generic Gravitational Gradient), while proven to be constant temporally, may in fact be inconsistent in a spatial sense. What this means is that Gaps of seemingly similar resistance but in different geographical locations may in fact differ in terms of the resistance they offer someone of fixed inner vacuosity. As stated, this appears to be due to spatial fluctuations in the warp of the space-time continuum. Perhaps a metaphor will help to bring about the significance of this finding in relation to gap annihilation and the hunting of real gaps in the wild. It is well-known that, like a decent gap, a wolf is hard to defeat. However, the successful vanquishing of a European wolf does not entail the ability to overcome an Alaskan Timberwolf. And we all know to stay well clear of the feisty wolverine.



In response to these new theories, our research team has planned an expedition to a distant spatial location where field testing may be undertaken. It is my pleasure to announce that this team will be led by Paolo Wolfy II, a vastly experienced gap annihilator. He will be ably assisted by Gomez the Kosmonaut, known as the Annihilator of gaps. He is pictured below vainly trying to pull one boulder off of another.



The research team will travel to a geographically distant location, specifically Hermany and France. Here they will test the resistance of various gaps in a long and detailed study. Their adventure will not be easy however, as they are likely to encounter the strange phenomenon of the Frog, which will probably appear something like this:



The team will be funded by big business and corporations, who generously give their money away to people all the time. They have money due to the excessively large size of their hands, which basically means that when it comes to the big cash grab, they can hold more money in their fist. It is rumored that some corporations have even engineered horrendously powerful robots with enormous hands. One such being is pictured below. Note however, that due to the excessive weight of their cash grab hand, these robots struggle to annihilate gaps, as they can only move the hand in a very slow and static fashion.



We look forward in anticipation to the departure of the research team, who are equipped to provide us with continual updates on the progress of their research into gap annihilation. In the meantime annihilate those gaps!